Wow, it has literally been years since my last post! So much has happened! I transferred to Morenci in 2010 and spent three years there working. I really enjoyed it and worked with so many great people! In Feb. 2013, I had my baby girl, Dylan Rose Marie. She has curly brown hair and beautiful deep brown eyes. She has an amazing little personality and is more rambunxious than her brother was (if you can believe that). Anyhow, having two kids, managing childcare and commuting was stressful - so I transferred back to Safford. It has almost been a year now that I have been back and it is just as great as before! Now, Wolfie attends preschool and even played T-Ball this year and I was able to be there to take him to practice and games. Time has flown by so fast.
So, speaking of kids, that's what this blog is about. Kids. Nowadays, it seems more and more people are not having kids, are waiting later to have kids and are having fewer kids. Why is this? Well, maybe because kids are alot of work. I don't ever really think too much about it, but lately I have. When I get, home I am trying to make dinner. I have a one year-old crying becaue she is already hungry. I have a four year-old being loud, taunting his sister. I am trying to tend to them but I have to get dinner ready. The water is boiling. Did I put the bread in the oven? Then my phone rings, I try to answer it. I mean, not to dramatize it all, but it can be so stressful! (If you are asking where Todd is, he is at work in this scenario)
I stand back and think how simple, even enjoyable, it would be to cook dinner without all of this chaos. Then when dinner is done, I have to get the kids fed, load the dishwasher, get the kids in the bath, brush their teeth, squeeze in a bedtime story, get them to bed and by that time it is usually 8:30pm. I cannot tell you how many nights I come home and don't sit still or have a moment's peace until almost 9:00. I look back on the days when it was just Todd and I and I had the whole evening to myself, lounging on the couch, skimming through Facebook posts, eating whatever I wanted, doing whatever I wanted. No obligations. No familial responsibilities. No little ones counting on me.
In the chaos, it is also easy (for me anyway) to let my emotions get the best of me. I lose patience. I yell. I get the mean mommy face. I get upset. I get angry. I get beat down. And then I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mom. I feel like I am not cut out for this. I feel like I have failed. It is super easy to feel this way and it stinks.
So anyways, why have kids then? If they are so time consuming, expensive, and cause extra stress, why do it?
Because the first time they say "mama" or "I love you" or fall asleep in your arms or squeeze your hand or giggle or smile your heart feels complete. Seriously, when you have a kid you learn love in a whole new way and discover parts of yourself, your heart that you never knew before. I cannot imagine my life without my kids. No matter what the chaos is, the crying, the screaming, the messes, the guilt - I love my monsters. My kids. My life.
I guess the point of this post is that I had never stopped to think about how much work kids are. When you are a mom, you just do it. Do what you have to do and not look back. People will tell me "I don't know how you do it." And I am taken aback. What do they mean? I just do it. But when you really do consider what parenthood is, the sacrifices, the compromise, the work - it is pretty amazing, I let the bad days, the mistakes and the guilt overshadow all the amazing moments, the blessings and the beauty. I don't give myself enough credit and I bet alot of moms out there don"t either.
So, in conclusion. I am not perfect. Not a perfect mom by any means and I make mistakes. But I am learning, everday. And I get better, everday. And so what if my kids are hyper and can't sign the alphabet. Does that make me a bad mom or them bad kids? No. This whole kid thing is hard, but I am trying my best and I am amazing. My kids are amazing and I think every mom should feel that way. Recognize your parental shortcomings but don't linger on them, learn from them and grow.